Summer of the year 2022 the season for all celebrations, on the night of our good friends wedding I started to feel unwell, a friend whispered in my ear & said "Are you feeling okay? You're looking as white as a ghost" I replied and said "I think, I could be growing a baby" she looked at me and smiled and pulled me in for a hug. Quickly after this I went to find Ben to tell him my thoughts.. he smiled with all of his teeth & said "Okay, no more champagne and do a test as soon as we get home".
In that moment I was so happy & could not wait to go home. We left the wedding late that evening, we decided I would test in the morning.. (only because of the first wee being the most accurate). That night I could barely sleep I was so excited. I woke at 5am.. walked to the ensuite, took the test.. waited patiently.. looking at my watch, waiting for the minutes to pass by.. the test turned over on the ensuite basin.. thinking, wondering, waiting.. the anticipation was killing me, the minutes were up.. I check the test & instantly I start crying with joy/happiness and some fear, my heart was racing.. I look at the test again, I hold it upside down & shake it & look at it again, in disbelief of the results.. thinking in my head "Wow, I am, growing a baby". Meanwhile Ben is sound asleep in the bedroom.. do I wake him and tell him, it's really early, he might be feeling under the weather from last nights celebrations.. should I wake him, these thoughts in my head over & over all while I'm staring at the test.. I have to tell him, I'm waking him. I walk to the bedroom, tap him on the shoulder a few times.. he is in a deep sleep, more taps on the shoulder "Ben ben, wake up, I have something to show you" He squints his eyes and mumbles "What's wrong??" I tell him nothing is wrong and show him the test, he squints a little more "What's that? Ohh it's the test, what does it say?" I smile at him and start crying.. his response "No way" he jumps up out of bed & hugs me so tight.. "Do another test tonight & another in the morning & then make a doctors appointment".
Ben has always been one to make sure & to triple check and make sure again.
So of course I triple check and make sure with the results of a blood test & we are pregnant.
Our baby is estimated to arrive in October.. making our baby a Libran just like Ben and I, Ben's birth date: October 20 & mine October 1st. Both Librans, so of course it would only make sense that our baby would be a Libran as well ~ faith is a beautiful thing!
I've always believed that birth is a natural, raw & beautiful experience that shouldn't be interrupted~ I've always heard of the negative, traumatic, gritty & awful stories people seem to share, especially as soon as they find out you're expecting. Two beautiful women I am so lucky to know, have shared their amazing birth experiences with me.. hearing their stories & now knowing I have the choice for a home birth but most importantly the love & guidance of two private midwives.. that is exactly what I wanted ~ as soon as I found out I was growing new life, I contacted Jasmijn & Jenny through their email & also their phone number just in case they missed my email. Jasmijn almost responded to me instantly. We organised to meet at a cute café, I was nervous, but I most definitely shouldn't have been.. we chatted all things baby, birth, supplements, diet, health, lifestyle & everything in between, it was like I had known these ladies forever.. the sense of warmth and care from them was felt from the first meeting.. I remember saying to them with a big smile from ear to ear "I'm really excited now". Jenny replied with a hug and kiss on the forehead "You should be excited, that's what it's all about".
9 Moons ~
39 weeks & 2 days of growing new life~ a transformative time, a time I was ever so grateful to endure.
My body + my love, the vessel that grew our baby.
On the night of the 8th of October at 6.20pm our lives were completely & forever transformed. In the weeks before our baby's birth I had thoughts going through my head, the 8th of October, baby day, 8th of October.. my mind was certain.. I remember lying on the couch the day before, feeling little niggles & slightly off.. and then realised the date, tomorrow is the 8th October, I was excited.. my partner at work, I text "I'm not feeling 100%, you should know & tomorrow is October 8th" He replies with "Does this mean you're going into early labour?? Let me know if things progress and I will come home". I used this time to relax and rest, we ate dinner together that night talking about our baby's arrival, if it would be tomorrow or the next day or if our baby was a boy or a girl, sharing our excitement with one another.. we decided to have an early night & get all the rest we could..
I wake early the next morning around 2am to a wet feeling between my legs, I sit up straight and I say to Ben "I think my waters have broken" I get up to check and I jump back into bed so excited, trying to sleep.. all of maybe four hours sleep slightly uncomfortable with what I think could be mild contractions.. we had always planned to go for a walk through the bush track very close by to home, while I was in early labour, to keep us occupied and to collect some greenery for the birth space (I still have the greenery arrangement, I can't seem to part with it & I don't think I ever will).. the walk back to our house, I realised what I thought might be mild contractions were definitely contractions. Ben helps me take my blundstones off and I start to pace the lounge room & hall way breathing through contractions.. at this point, I say to Ben "Our baby is coming today, please text Jasmijn & let her know things have started". Whilst waiting for Jasmijn & Jenny, Ben helps me focus and breath through my contractions..
I hear them arrive and instantly for me and for Ben too there's a sense of calm.
Walking through the door I hear Jenny say 'Oohh are we having a baby today??' I smile & think Ohh yes we are. Our baby is coming today.
Jenny helped me breathe through each contraction and when there was a small window of rest time we would chat about life as normal, as if I weren't in early labour.. then another contraction, it was a constant rhythm.. in this instance I felt safe, loved & nurtured by all three people with-in my birth space.
We walk out of the ensuite and I remember saying "Awww its beautiful" (Jas & Ben had set our bedroom into the most perfect space for me to birth our baby in).
Jas & Jenny help me into the birth pool.. and wow what an amazing feeling, everything eased and I was able to relax and melt into the water, whilst Ben placed a cold washer on my forehead and back as he stroked down each of my shoulders and then down my back and over my face, every part of my body felt as if it was disappearing for a while.
After a labour that lasted I would say around 8 hours (in which I thought was going to last a lifetime). Oscar came into the world with a beautiful dark head of hair. The beauty of letting go of control & trusting my body & the process of birth. Birth was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I danced through the fire to meet my baby boy (Ben tells me I looked like a native hen dancing.. picture that). It pushed me to my limits (limits I didn't know existed), showed me exactly what I am capable of and had me in the deepest surrender. I realised that pain does not mean suffering and meeting it won't kill you. We're always trying to avoid or numb our pain, but by meeting it we find our truest power. I found my power.
The very moment I laid eyes on my sweet baby boy, I had that lump in my throat when you're about to burst into tears, I physically felt my heart swell with a joy I never knew existed.
I was in a state of aura that lasted days. A feeling I will never forget.
Our family was created & the love we feel everyday is indescribable.
Family. Our family.
I will be forever grateful to Jasmijn & Jenny, our midwives now forever friends.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for trusting/loving/nurturing & caring for my family.
The most incredible journey & experience these beautiful ladies guided me through, has influenced & shaped me into the Mama I am today.
Becoming a mother leaves no woman as it found her. It unravels her & rebuilds her. It cracks her open, takes her to her edges. It's both beautiful & brutal ~ often at the same time.